How To Stay Sane Running a 'Default Dead' Startup
I’m in my 40s, have a family, kids, and my startup is default dead . But I’m calm and confident that I’ll dig my way out. I haven’t always felt this way. Here’s how I changed that.
This post started as a note to myself. But as I wrote it, I realized that I’m in a horrible situation, yet I feel calmer and think more clearly than before.
I’m a 41-year-old father of three. My wife and I run a business with two employees. I founded it two years ago, but it’s on a disastrous trajectory. A former partner, a company 400 times our size, is poaching my customers and blocking my access to the niche market we are in.
But I’m calm. I sleep well. I think clearly. I live a normal life. One year ago I felt very differently.
This is what keeps me sane and energized. Maybe it’ll help you too.
(Future me: Hi, buddy. Get back on track!)
Key Habits for Sanity and Energy
This list is in no particular order. I tried to come up with everything that I changed in my habits, behavior or thinking in the last 20 years, since I left school and started university and later running businesses.
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Family first, but prioritize your own sanity and wellbeing. Then your family’s. Think of it like: “In case of emergency, put on your own oxygen mask first. Only then can you help others.”
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If you’re feeling stressed or anxious. Go for a walk.
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Don’t hold grudges. If someone does something that bothers you: Don’t worry about what others think or why they do things that way.
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Related to the point above: Think in first principles. And stay away from cargo cult thinking.
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Keep an eye on your use of LLMs and avoid over-reliance. Avoid long LLM conversations. I feel ChatGPT especially tries to lure you in with its infamous follow-up questions and cliffhangers.
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Regarding the planning of your personal and business life: Don’t overengineer this! Make a rough plan or roadmap for the year ahead. What do you want to achieve? Check it briefly at least every 7 months, at most every 4 months for progress and if you are on track. But don’t stress about it too much.
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If you have done a plan or roadmap for the last year review how well that went. In the quiet time of December, after the holidays.
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For short-term planning, make a weekly task list. Keep it very short. This approach works best for me
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To keep your energy up, don’t overplan or worry too much.
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Set two phone alarms daily: ‘Don’t worry 💪’ for mornings before work and ‘Don’t worry 🙃’ for evenings. Saves my mood and energy 2 out of 7 days a week.
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Never use TikTok, Instagram, or YouTube (yes, even YouTube)! Trust me. While YouTube is a great source of education, it was the sneakiest time-waster for me. Looks useful on the outside. 99% time wasted.
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Community engagement. When I was most stressed about my startup, I started coaching my kid’s football team. It’s draining, but somehow it keeps me sane.
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Exercise three times a week. No excuses. None. Just do it.
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Avoid alcohol as much as possible and be intentional if/when you do drink. Overdoing it affects your mood badly (and is, of course, unhealthy in general). I prefer a well done classic cocktail in good company though.
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Try to eat right. It’s hard because it takes time, is often inconvenient, and can be more expensive. Especially with a family and social life. I used to be better with this.
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Read or listen to books. But to prevent “information overload,” I balance my heavy nonfiction habit with fiction and music. I loosely follow a 1:3 ratio. One tech/business book or podcast for every three creative works—to keep my energy levels up.
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That’s it. Don’t worry too much. Try to keep working as much as you can on useful things. Be it personal relationships, products or business ideas.