How To Stay Sane Running a 'Default Dead' Startup
I’m in my 40s, have a family, kids, and my startup is default dead . But I’m calm and confident that I’ll dig my way out. I haven’t always felt this way. Here’s how I changed that.
This post started as a note to myself. But as I wrote it, I realized that I’m in a horrible situation, yet I feel calmer and think more clearly than before.
I’m a 41-year-old father of three. My wife and I run a business with two employees. I founded it two years ago, but it’s on a disastrous trajectory. A former partner, a company a lot of times our size, is poaching my customers and blocking my access to the niche market we are in.
But I’m calm. I sleep well. I think clearly. I live a normal life.
One year ago I felt very differently. This affected my overall mental state and my decision making in company matters negatively.
This is what keeps me sane and energized. Maybe it’ll help you too.
(Future me: Hi, buddy. Get back on track!)
Key Habits for Sanity and Energy
This list is in no particular order. I tried to come up with everything that I changed in my habits, behavior or thinking in the last 20 years, since I left school and started university and later running businesses.
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Family first, but prioritize your own sanity and wellbeing. Then your family’s. Think of it like: “In case of emergency, put on your own oxygen mask first. Only then can you help others.”
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If you’re feeling stressed or anxious. Go for a walk.
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Don’t hold grudges. If someone does something that bothers you: Don’t worry about what others think or why they do things that way.
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Related to the point above: Think in first principles. And stay away from cargo cult thinking.
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Keep an eye on your use of LLMs and avoid over-reliance. Avoid long LLM conversations. I feel ChatGPT especially tries to lure you in with its infamous follow-up questions and cliffhangers.
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Regarding the planning of your personal and business life: Don’t overengineer this! Make a rough roadmap for the year. I only check it every 4 to 7 months. Why? Because obsessing over the map every week triggers too many short-term ‘course corrections’ that prevent you from actually reaching the destination. You need enough time for your actions to produce real data, not just noise.
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If you have done a plan or roadmap for the last year review how well that went. In the quiet time of December, after the holidays.
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For short-term planning, make a weekly task list. Keep it very short. This approach works best for me
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To keep your energy up, don’t overplan or worry too much.
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Set two phone alarms daily: ‘Don’t worry 💪’ for mornings before work and ‘Don’t worry 🙃’ for evenings. Saves my mood and energy 2 out of 7 days a week.
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Never use TikTok, Instagram, or YouTube (yes, even YouTube)! Trust me. While YouTube is a great source of education, it was the sneakiest time-waster for me. Looks useful on the outside. 99% time wasted.
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Community engagement. When I was most stressed about my startup, I started coaching my kid’s football team. It’s draining, but somehow it keeps me sane.
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Exercise three times a week. No excuses. None. Just do it.
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Avoid alcohol as much as possible and be intentional if/when you do drink. Overdoing it affects your mood badly (and is, of course, unhealthy in general). I prefer a well done classic cocktail in good company though.
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Try to eat right. It’s hard because it takes time, is often inconvenient, and can be more expensive. Especially with a family and social life. I used to be better with this.
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Read or listen to books. But to prevent “information overload,” I balance my heavy nonfiction habit with fiction and music. I loosely follow a 1:3 ratio. One tech/business book or podcast for every three creative works—to keep my energy levels up.
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That’s it. Don’t worry too much. Try to keep working as much as you can on useful things. Be it personal relationships, products or business ideas.